Midnight negativity

I felt like I am useless after watched some interesting video by the impressive and hardworking creator.
I felt like they are so successful in what they are currently doing.
They can utilise and manage their time to do all the things such as film vlog and edit the video yet studying at the same time.
On the other hand, a person who is so free during this period but do nothing.
Even though I have listed out my plan of the day, but somehow I can fail to achieve it.
The biggest reason is I won't follow the time and lazy.
I just do everything depends on my mood.

I am just kind of nervous I couldn't do anything in the future.
I scared.
I scared none of a company will hire me.
I scared I couldn't do better of the task given by the boss.
I am just afraid of it.

Another problem is I have low confidence.
I don't know if my suggestion is good or bad.
I don't know if I said something wrong.
Sometimes I felt like I can't or I don't know how to communicate with people.
Because I noticed that I always say something that is not on the same channel with them.
I can always guess incorrectly what they are thinking about.
I just felt useless and low power on myself.

I just want to escape from reality.
I want to stay alone.
I know I can't be an outstanding person because I only do what people told me to do.
I just felt like I am a robot,
completing the task given by others.
I just can't do better more than that.
I don't know if I can survive in society later in the future...